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I once tried to outdo my childhood nemesis in a school art contest – slathering glitter everywhere, only to spill it all over myself right before the judging. I didn’t win, but I learned one thing: pettiness makes for great stories. Today, we’re ditching the big wars and power dynasties to celebrate the art of being petty, from Hollywood’s legendary dueling divas to the curious case of a bear at Trinity College, and even a papal courtroom melodrama that would put modern courtroom TV to shame. Grab your popcorn; these feuds have more plot twists than a streaming miniseries.
Hollywood Feuds: When Rivalry Becomes Legend
Few celebrity rivalries have shaped Hollywood feuds quite like Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. Their decades-long resentment, rooted in both personal betrayal and professional jealousy, remains the gold standard for studio warfare and public humiliation in Golden Age Hollywood.
The Spark: Love Triangle and Studio Competition
The animosity between Crawford and Davis began in the 1930s, fueled by box office competition and a notorious love triangle involving actor Franchot Tone. Both actresses vied for Tone’s affection, with Joan ultimately marrying him. This personal slight set the stage for years of on- and off-screen tension, as each woman fought for the best roles and the brightest spotlight.
‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?’: Sabotage and ‘Hagsploitation’
By 1962, their rivalry reached new heights during the filming of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?—a production that would define the term hagsploitation: casting older actresses in horror roles, often as a way to exploit ageism and sexism in the industry. On set, the feud turned physical and petty. Rumors swirled of Bette dragging Joan down a hallway, only to find Joan had weighted her dress with rocks. Bette, in turn, allegedly kicked Joan during a scene, leading to accusations of sabotage and drama that delighted gossip columns.
Oscar Snubs and Ultimate Pettiness
Their rivalry didn’t end when the cameras stopped rolling. When Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? premiered, Bette Davis received an Oscar nomination—Joan Crawford did not. In a move that redefined Oscar snubs, Joan offered to accept the award on behalf of any nominee unable to attend. When Anne Bancroft won and couldn’t be there, Joan took the stage, basking in the spotlight and denying Bette her moment of glory. This act of pettiness became legendary, cementing the feud’s place in Hollywood history.
Legacy of a Legendary Feud
- Started in the 1930s with Franchot Tone as the catalyst
- Fueled by studio competition and public scandals
- On-set sabotage during Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
- Oscar drama and public humiliation
“You should never say bad things about the dead, only good... Joan Crawford is dead. Good.” – Bette Davis
Art World Pettiness: The Vantablack Controversy
When art meets ego, expect drama—and the Vantablack controversy is a masterclass in artistic pettiness. In 2014, the world was introduced to Vantablack pigment, a material so dark it absorbs 99.96% of visible light. It looked less like a color and more like a black hole, instantly captivating artists, designers, and pop culture enthusiasts alike.
But in 2016, British sculptor Anish Kapoor—best known for Chicago’s Cloud Gate (“the Bean”)—secured the exclusive rights to use Vantablack in art. This move sparked outrage across creative circles. Suddenly, one artist alone could access the world’s blackest black, igniting a fierce debate over artistic exclusivity and access to materials.
Enter Stuart Semple, a fellow British artist who saw Kapoor’s monopoly as the ultimate act of art world gatekeeping. In a bold, tongue-in-cheek protest, Semple released “the pinkest pink”—a pigment available to everyone except Kapoor. Buyers had to confirm:
"You are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor [and] you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor."
This playful restriction became an instant meme, and the art community rallied behind Semple’s open-access philosophy. Not stopping there, Semple developed Black 2.0 and later Black 3.0: ultra-dark, non-toxic alternatives to Vantablack, again explicitly banning Kapoor from purchase. These pigments were both a practical solution and a symbolic middle finger to exclusivity in art.
Kapoor, undeterred, managed to get his hands on the pinkest pink and posted a photo of his middle finger dipped in the pigment—fueling even more online drama. The feud became a pop culture phenomenon, with artists and fans worldwide cheering on Semple’s creative rebellion. Memes, hashtags, and viral posts turned pigment into protest, and the Vantablack controversy became a case study in how artists can weaponize both color and wit.
- 2014: Vantablack debuts, absorbing 99.96% of light
- 2016: Anish Kapoor secures exclusive rights, sparking backlash
- Stuart Semple: Releases “pinkest pink” and Black 2.0 as open-source alternatives
- Black 2.0: Non-toxic, available to all—except Kapoor
The Vantablack controversy proved that in the art world, pigment can be political—and pettiness, a powerful creative force.
When Petty Gets Creative: Mark Twain vs. the Post Office
When it comes to historical petty conflicts, few are as entertaining—or as creative—as Mark Twain’s legendary feud with the Post Office. Known for his wit and sharp tongue, Twain found himself at odds with the bureaucracy of letter delivery, particularly the requirement to write out full, conventional addresses. In his eyes, this was a waste of precious ink, time, and, as he calculated, “seventy-two words.”
Twain’s frustration reached a peak when he needed to send a letter to his friend, Mr. C. M. Underhill, in Buffalo, NY. Rather than comply with standard protocol, Twain decided to rebel in the most Twain-esque way possible: by crafting an address so descriptive and unconventional that it became a work of art in itself. Instead of a street name or number, Twain wrote:
For Mr. C. M. Underhill, who is in the coal business in one of those streets there, and is very respectably connected, both by marriage and general descent, and is a tall man and old but without any grey hair, and used to be handsome. Buffalo, N.Y. From Mark Twain. P. S., a little bald on the top of his head.
Twain’s letter was sealed with love—and a healthy dose of mischief. The message was clear: why should he waste time on bureaucratic details when a vivid character sketch would do?
To everyone’s surprise, the Buffalo Post Office delivered the letter. Against all odds, the postal workers pieced together Twain’s clues, proving that sometimes, the human touch can outwit even the strictest systems. This moment in letter delivery history stands as a testament to both Twain’s creativity and the persistence of postal employees who took pride in their work.
- Mark Twain refused to write a conventional address, opting for a hilariously descriptive letter instead.
- The Post Office, defying expectations, actually delivered the letter to its intended recipient in Buffalo, NY.
- This episode highlights how nonconformity—and a bit of pettiness—can leave a lasting mark on history.
Sometimes, rules are just suggestions. Twain’s playful rebellion against paperwork and bureaucracy shows that even in the most regulated systems, there’s room for creativity—and a little bit of fun.
Wild Card Petty Moments: Bears, Pie, and Papal Trials
Pettiness is not bound by profession or era – even poets, popes, and pie bakers have their moments. Some of history’s most entertaining feuds and wild card moments prove that when it comes to historical petty conflicts, creativity knows no limits.
Lord Byron’s Bear: Outsmarting the Rules
In the early 1800s, Lord Byron enrolled at Trinity College, Cambridge. Like many students, he wanted a pet for companionship. The problem? Trinity’s strict “no dogs allowed” policy. Byron, ever the iconoclast, found a loophole: the rules banned dogs, but said nothing about bears. So, he brought a tame bear to campus, delighting in the confusion and loophole exploitation. Byron’s bear became a campus legend, a living reminder that sometimes the best way to win is to read the fine print.
Martha Stewart vs. Gwyneth Paltrow: Pie, Prison, and Petty Rivalry
Fast forward to the modern era, and the rivalry between Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow is a masterclass in professional snark. Stewart, the queen of lifestyle branding, made her feelings about Paltrow’s Goop empire crystal clear. When asked about Paltrow, Stewart famously quipped:
“If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.”
The feud escalated when Paltrow poached the CEO of Martha Stewart Living for Goop. Stewart responded in her signature style—through food. She published a pie article titled “Conscious Coupling,” a tongue-in-cheek nod to Paltrow’s headline-making divorce. Not to be outdone, Stewart also introduced “Jailbird Cake,” referencing her own prison stint. The rivalry Goop vs. Martha Stewart Living became a deliciously public spectacle, blending culinary invention with corporate gamesmanship.
The Cadaver Synod: Papal Pettiness at Its Peak
For sheer surrealism, nothing tops the Cadaver Synod of 897 AD. Pope Stephen VI, determined to humiliate his predecessor, Pope Formosus, had Formosus’s corpse exhumed and put on trial in Rome. The dead pope was propped up in court, accused, and—unsurprisingly—remained silent. The verdict? Guilty. As punishment, three fingers were chopped off and the body was thrown into the Tiber River. The Cadaver Synod stands as a bizarre testament to how far historical petty conflicts could go, even in the highest offices.
From Lord Byron’s bear loophole to Martha Stewart’s culinary clapbacks and the infamous papal trial, these moments reveal history’s flair for the art of pettiness.
Conclusion: Glory in the Grudge (and Maybe Let It Go)
Why are we so drawn to the spectacle of historical petty conflicts? Whether you’re listening to a petty history podcast or scrolling through the latest pop culture drama, there’s something irresistible about feuds that are both ridiculous and revealing. From Hollywood divas trading barbs to popes going rogue, the art of pettiness brings a unique color—and plenty of chaos—to the tapestry of history.
These stories captivate us because they center on flawed, all-too-human characters. Unlike the grand tales of empires rising and falling, petty scandals offer a refreshing break from the so-called ‘great man’ history. They remind us that even the most powerful figures were not above holding grudges, plotting revenge, or letting pride get the best of them. In fact, the creativity, stubbornness, and hunger for drama that fuel these feuds provide unexpected insight into human nature itself.
But what is it about these tales that makes them so enduring? Perhaps it’s the way they echo our own experiences. Who hasn’t felt slighted or nursed a minor grudge, even if only for a moment? Historical petty conflicts allow us to laugh at the absurdity of it all, while also recognizing the very real impact that even the smallest disputes can have. Sometimes, the most ridiculous conflicts leave the longest legacy—shaping reputations, inspiring art, or even changing the course of history for better or worse.
There’s a lesson here, if you’re willing to see it. Relish the drama, enjoy the stories, and maybe even find a little glory in the grudge. But don’t let it define you. After all, history’s most entertaining feuds are best enjoyed with a sense of humor and a bit of distance. Feuds are fascinating, sure—but maybe keep the bear at home and the grudges lighthearted.
Thank you for joining us on this journey through petty history. Whether you’re a fan of pop culture rivalries or ancient scandals, remember: the best stories are the ones that remind us how wonderfully complicated—and entertaining—human nature can be. Catch you next time for the ultimate in pettiness.
