When Normal Isn't 'Aesthetic': Surviving Social Media's Impossible Standards

Has social media ever made you feel like your life is stuck in low-res, while everyone else is living in high-definition perfection? I remember stumbling across a photo of a minimalist living room—sunlight streaming across white marble floors, shelves lined with matching baskets and potted figs—and instantly feeling like my own rented basement suite was somehow failing at life. Turns out, I'm not alone. This post is for anyone who's tired of comparing their backstage to someone else's highlight reel, and maybe, just maybe, wants to hang their old housecoat up in full view of the camera.

The Trap of Upward Social Comparison

Why ‘Aesthetic’ Trends Create Invisible Hierarchies Online

When you open your favorite social media app, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one struggling to keep up. But you’re not alone. Social media is destroying our sense of normal. What you see online is a carefully curated highlight reel—often showing off wealth, luxury, and a perfectly “aesthetic” lifestyle. These posts create invisible hierarchies, where certain looks, possessions, or experiences are valued above others. Suddenly, you feel pressure to fit into a specific box, to check off a list of characteristics just to belong. As one user put it:

“We never had to fit into these certain boxes that had a list full of characteristics and things that we had to check off in order to be put into that category.”

The impact of social media on mental health is deeply tied to these invisible hierarchies. You’re not just seeing what people like—you’re seeing what you’re supposed to want. The message is clear: to be happy and fulfilled, you need to buy more, do more, have more, and be more.

Quick Scroll, Quick Envy: The Biology Behind Comparison-Fueled Anxiety

Why does a simple scroll through your feed leave you feeling anxious or inadequate? It’s not just you. The human brain is wired for comparison. Psychologists call this upward social comparison: you compare yourself to those who seem to have more, look better, or live “cooler” lives. While upward social comparisons can sometimes motivate self-improvement, on social media they often lead to negative self-perceptions and low self-esteem.

When you see endless images of people living out “aesthetic” lifestyle trends—whether it’s the clean girl look, cottagecore, dark academia, or luxury minimalism—your brain registers these as new standards. Even if you know these images are filtered and staged, your emotional response is real. The result? You feel like you’re falling behind, even if you’re doing just fine in real life.

This effect is especially strong for girls and young women. Research shows that girls are more vulnerable to the negative effects of social media comparison, especially when it comes to beauty standards and the need for validation. The constant exposure to idealized bodies and lifestyles can make it feel like you’re never enough—no matter how hard you try.

The Mind-Bending Number of Lifestyle ‘Categories’ Designed to Make You Want More

It’s not just one “aesthetic” you’re up against. There are over 25 main aesthetic subcategories circulating online, each with its own set of rules, products, and must-have looks. From “that girl” morning routines to Y2K fashion, from plant parenthood to tech minimalism, each trend is a new opportunity to compare yourself—and to buy into the idea that you need something else to be happy.

• Clean Girl: Immaculate skin, neutral tones, minimalist decor.
• Cottagecore: Vintage dresses, baking bread, countryside escapes.
• Dark Academia: Tweed blazers, classic books, moody libraries.
• Y2K: Bright colors, retro tech, early-2000s nostalgia.
• Luxury Minimalism: Designer brands, sleek interiors, understated wealth.
• Plant Parent: Lush greenery, terracotta pots, eco-friendly living.
• And many more...

Each category comes with its own shopping list, pushing you toward more consumption. Social media comparison effects are amplified by this endless menu of lifestyles, each promising fulfillment if you just buy the right products or look the right way.

Social Media Comparison Impact Meets Real-World Limits

The pressure to keep up with these trends is even more unrealistic when you look at real-world numbers. The average Canadian full-time salary is $63,000, but many people—especially young adults—earn closer to $30,000–$32,000 in retail or minimum wage jobs. Meanwhile, average rent in Canada is $2,196 per month, and a typical grocery trip for a family of four costs $1,296. The math simply doesn’t add up, yet social media keeps raising the bar.

In the end, the trap of upward social comparison is built into the very structure of social media. The more you scroll, the more you’re told that normal isn’t enough—and that you need to fit into one of dozens of ever-changing “aesthetic” boxes to be worthy, happy, or cool.

Real Costs, Real Life: What They Don't Show You

When you scroll through social media, it’s easy to believe that everyone else is living a picture-perfect life. But behind every “aesthetic” background, there’s often a pile of laundry just out of frame, bills stacked on the kitchen table, and a daily struggle to make ends meet. The reality for most people is far from what you see online, especially when it comes to financial struggles social media rarely shows.

Bills, Debt, and Hand-Me-Downs: The Hidden Reality

Let’s talk numbers. The average salary for a full-time worker in Canada is about $63,000, but that figure doesn’t reflect what most people actually take home. Many, like myself, work minimum wage jobs in retail, earning between $30,000 and $32,000 a year. Every two weeks, my paycheck is about $900. That’s not just my story—it’s the story of countless Canadians who live paycheck to paycheck, constantly juggling bills, groceries, and rent.

Consider this: the average rent in Canada is now $2,196 per month. The average grocery bill for a family of four is also climbing, making it nearly impossible for many to afford even the basics. For my husband and me, this means living with my in-laws for the past two years. Despite working hard, we’re no closer to moving out. Our closet is filled with hand-me-downs and old clothes, not the latest trends you see in influencer posts.

Behind the 'Perfect' Background: Rearranged Reality

Social media is all about appearances. I’ll be honest—every time I film a video, I spend time making my backdrop look “Insta-worthy.” I move piles of laundry, take down my housecoats from the back door, and hide my bridesmaid’s dress from my sister-in-law’s wedding. What you see is a carefully curated corner, not the real chaos of my daily life. As one creator put it,

"Most people don't live the lives they're portraying."

This is the reality for most of us. We’re not living in spotless, sunlit apartments with designer furniture. We’re making do, and often, we’re just rearranging the mess to fit the frame.

Why Most of Us Live Paycheck to Paycheck

It’s not just about poor spending habits. The cost of living is rising faster than wages, and social media only adds to the pressure. The constant stream of “happiness” culture—new clothes, trendy gadgets, expensive self-care routines—makes it seem like everyone else has it all together. But the truth is, most people are struggling to keep up. This cycle of consumerism and happiness is exhausting and can lead to a decline in self-esteem.

• Rent and groceries often exceed what many people earn in a month.
• Debt is a reality for most, not a sign of failure.
• Hand-me-downs and thrifted finds are more common than luxury brands.

What you don’t see online is the support systems many influencers rely on—family money, brand deals, or partners who help pay the bills. For the vast majority, that’s not reality. Most people are doing their best just to get by, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Normalizing Everyday Life: The Content We Need

It’s time to normalize everyday life on social media. Sharing the real, unfiltered moments—like the struggle to find affordable housing, the stress of stretching a paycheck, or the satisfaction of a thrift store find—can help others feel less alone. These stories offer affordable lifestyle tips and remind us that happiness isn’t found in constant consumption, but in appreciating what we have.

• Share your real living space, not just the “aesthetic” corner.
• Talk about budgeting, saving, and making do with less.
• Highlight the value of hand-me-downs and secondhand shopping.

When you see a perfect background online, remember: it’s often just a rearranged reality. Most of us are living with bills, debt, and a closet full of old clothes. And that’s normal. By normalizing everyday life and talking openly about financial struggles social media hides, we can start to break the cycle of comparison and find real happiness in the life we actually live.

Finding Sanity: Owning the Unfiltered You

If you’ve ever scrolled through social media and felt like your life just doesn’t measure up, you’re not alone. The pressure to curate every detail—to filter out the mess, the mismatched socks, the leftovers for dinner—can feel overwhelming. But what if the secret to surviving social media’s impossible standards is to stop chasing perfection and start embracing authenticity? In a world obsessed with “aesthetic,” there is real power in showing up as your unfiltered self.

The urge to curate is strong. You might worry that your home isn’t “Instagrammable” enough, or that your clothes aren’t trendy, or that your life just isn’t interesting compared to the endless parade of highlight reels online. I know this feeling well. As someone who’s been creating content for over a year, I hesitated to share my real life. I don’t have a Pinterest-perfect house—I live with my in-laws. My bedroom is a mix of hand-me-downs and the occasional discounted jeans. New furniture or a fresh coat of paint? Out of reach for now. For a long time, I let this hold me back, afraid that people would judge my “non-aesthetic” reality.

But here’s the truth:

"Being non-aesthetic is not un-aesthetic—it’s normal."

Recently, there’s been a refreshing shift online. More creators are posting realistic portrayals of life, showing what ordinary people actually live like. These glimpses into “normal” are a breath of fresh air. They remind us that life isn’t always polished or perfect, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s beautiful. Imagine if Instagram paid bonuses for authenticity, not filters. What would your feed look like? Would you see more housecoats and leftovers, more honest stories and less pressure to perform? This shift would not only change what we see, but how we feel about ourselves and each other.

Choosing gratitude over “never enough” is another powerful way to break the comparison cycle. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you don’t have enough, or that you’re not enough, especially when everyone else seems to have it all together. But gratitude reframes your perspective. It helps you see the blessings in your own life, even if they don’t come wrapped in a perfect package. For me, faith and gratitude have been anchors. I remind myself often: I am blessed. I have so much. Even when I can’t afford new things, even when my life doesn’t look like a magazine spread, I am enough.

Social media and self-esteem are deeply connected. The more you compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel, the more likely you are to feel inadequate. That’s why mental health experts recommend limiting your exposure to social media and practicing cognitive restructuring—actively challenging those negative thoughts and replacing them with more realistic, compassionate ones. When you see someone with 150,000 Instagram followers or 300,000 on TikTok, it’s easy to assume they have it all. But numbers don’t tell the whole story. Many creators, myself included, are still paying off college tuition, wearing hand-me-downs, and living in spaces that are far from “aesthetic.” The reality behind the screen is often much more ordinary than you think.

In the end, finding sanity in the age of social media means letting go of the need to curate and embracing the unfiltered you. It’s about sharing your story—mess and all—and building a healthier relationship with yourself and the online world. When you choose authenticity, you not only free yourself from impossible standards, but you also help others do the same. So here’s to the housecoats, the leftovers, and the beautifully imperfect moments that make life real. Normalize the normal. Own the unfiltered you.