The Secret Ingredient in Every Success: Why Struggle Matters More Than You Think

Let me tell you a secret: the best advice I ever got didn’t come dressed up as a motivational slogan or handed to me in a self-improvement book. It was a question that stung more than it inspired: "What pain are you willing to struggle for?" It’s not exactly what you want to hear before your second cup of coffee, but let’s be honest—it unlocked something for me. Suddenly, all those goals that felt unattainable didn’t look so impossible; they just came with a price tag I hadn’t admitted existed. Here’s the twist: whether you’re training for a marathon or just trying to survive another Monday morning, it’s not about finding what’s easy. It’s about picking the kind of struggle you’re actually willing to put up with.

Rewriting the Script: Why Struggle is Non-Negotiable

When you think about success stories—whether it’s a top podcast host, a YouTube creator, or a startup founder—it’s easy to focus on the highlights. The applause, the milestones, the Instagrammable moments. But if you look closer, you’ll see something else woven through every achievement: struggle. And not just the kind that makes for a good story later, but the daily, often invisible grind that most people never see.

This is where Mark Manson’s pain question flips the script on how we think about motivation and discipline. Instead of asking, “What do I want to enjoy?” Manson suggests you ask, “What pain am I willing to endure?” In his words:

The most important question to ask is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Anything worthwhile is going to require some degree of pain and struggle.

This isn’t just clever advice—it’s a fundamental shift in how you approach goals. If you only chase what feels good, you’ll bail the moment things get tough. But if you know what struggle you’re prepared to face, you’re more likely to stick with it when the excitement fades. Research shows that choosing the right struggle determines long-term commitment. It’s the friction, not the initial excitement, that tests your discipline equation.

Behind Every Highlight Reel: The Grind Nobody Sees

Let’s be honest: behind every polished product, there’s a mountain of unglamorous work. Take podcasts, for example. You might see the host chatting with fascinating guests, traveling to cool locations, or sharing viral clips. But what you don’t see? The hours spent writing show notes, the late-night research, the technical hiccups, and the endless editing.

Here’s a real-life snapshot: Imagine prepping show notes in a noisy Guatemalan airport at 3 AM, running on no sleep, with a delayed flight and an episode to record the next day. That’s not #livingthedream. But it matters. It’s the kind of grind that never makes it to the highlight reel, but it’s exactly what separates those who are committed from those who are just curious.

Enjoyment Matters—But So Does Tolerating Hassle

It’s tempting to believe that if you love something enough, every part of it will feel effortless. But that’s not how real progress works. Even if you’re passionate about your craft, there will be parts you dread. Maybe it’s the paperwork, the early mornings, or the awkward networking events. Enjoyment is important, but so is your willingness to tolerate the unavoidable hassles that come with anything worthwhile.

This is where the discipline equation comes in. Discipline isn’t just about pushing through when you’re motivated. It’s about showing up when you’re tired, bored, or frustrated. Studies indicate that discipline is born in the messy middle—not just in the high points. The more you learn to embrace the struggle, the more resilient you become.

Struggle as Motivation: Learning to Love the Hard Parts

There’s a common misconception that motivation is all about chasing dopamine—the rush you get from new ideas, recognition, or quick wins. But a dash of dopamine doesn’t mean you get to skip the hard parts. In fact, learning to love the struggle itself is what sets the truly committed apart.

• Mark Manson pain question: What pain are you willing to accept for your goal?
• Struggle as motivation: The grind is what keeps you going when the excitement fades.
• Discipline equation: Discipline is forged in discomfort, not in the easy wins.

So, next time you see someone’s success, remember: the secret ingredient isn’t just talent or luck—it’s the willingness to struggle. The real question isn’t what you want, but what you’re willing to endure. That’s where the story really begins.

Decoding the ‘Discipline Equation’: Your Personal Formula for Success

Ever wondered why you can stick to some habits with ease while others feel like a constant battle? The answer might be simpler—and more scientific—than you think. Enter the discipline equation: a practical formula that helps explain why discipline feels effortless in some areas of your life and nearly impossible in others.

The Discipline Equation Explained

At its core, the discipline equation looks like this:

This formula isn’t just theory—it’s a tool you can use to understand and improve your own habit formation. Let’s break down each part:

• Subjective Importance of the Goal: How much does this goal matter to you, personally? The more meaningful it feels, the more likely you are to stick with it.
• Enjoyment of the Pursuit: Do you actually like the process of working toward this goal? Enjoyment can make even tough routines feel lighter.
• Psychological Cost: What’s the friction, discomfort, or mental effort required? The higher the psychological cost, the harder it is to maintain discipline.

Why Taking Out the Bins Is a Perfect Example

Think about a simple task: taking out the bins. Most people don’t enjoy it. The process isn’t fun, and getting up early to do it adds friction. So why do you still do it? Because the goal importance is high—if you skip it, you risk a fine or the embarrassment of overflowing trash. Here, the “why” outweighs the lack of enjoyment and the high psychological cost. The equation balances out, and the task gets done.

When Your “Why” Surges, Discipline Follows

Real change often happens when the importance of a goal spikes. Consider the story of someone who, after the pandemic, made health a non-negotiable priority. Suddenly, going to the gym wasn’t just a nice idea—it became essential. As they put it:

So in the pandemic, the reason I've been going to the gym for three years straight now is because my why surged.

Here, the goal importance shot up. The enjoyment of exercise added a boost, and the friction was managed by choosing the right environment. The result? A habit that stuck, even when motivation wavered.

Hacking the Equation: Make Habits Stick

Research shows you can influence your own discipline by tweaking any part of the equation. If a goal feels flat, try making it more meaningful. If the process is a drag, find ways to make it more enjoyable. And if friction is high, reduce the psychological cost by changing your environment or routine.

For example, one creator found that moving their DJ equipment onto the kitchen counter made practice unavoidable. The friction dropped to zero—no more setting up or finding time. The habit became automatic, not because of superhuman willpower, but because the discipline equation was stacked in their favor.

Environment: The Hidden Lever

Studies indicate that your surroundings can have a huge impact on habit formation. If your gym is full of distractions or people you know, the psychological cost rises, and you’re less likely to go. But if you invest in a space where you can focus, the friction drops and your discipline improves. As the source material notes, even the most motivated people can fall off track when the equation shifts—whether it’s writer’s block, increased friction, or a dip in enjoyment.

Time, Scarcity, and the Value of Discipline

Every day, you wake up with a limited number of hours—your “chips” to spend on the roulette table of life. How you allocate these chips determines your outcomes. The real challenge isn’t just time management, but aligning your discipline with your values. When you understand the discipline equation, you can choose where to invest your time and energy for the biggest payoff.

Remember, discipline isn’t random. It’s a formula you can adjust. By increasing the goal importance, boosting enjoyment, or lowering the psychological cost, you make it easier to stick with the habits that matter most to you.

Time, Death, and the Roulette Table: Why Urgency Fuels Discipline

When you think about time management discipline, it’s easy to get lost in the endless stream of productivity hacks, planners, and time-blocking apps. But if you dig a little deeper, you’ll find that the real secret to discipline isn’t about willpower or clever scheduling. It’s about understanding the scarcity of time—and letting that urgency shape your choices every single day.

Let’s get brutally honest for a moment. If you’re 35 years old and you live to the average American lifespan, you have just over 17,000 days left. That’s it. Not a number that stretches on forever, but a finite countdown that ticks away with every sunrise. This is where the roulette table metaphor comes in. Imagine waking up each morning with 24 chips—one for every hour. How you choose to place those chips on the table determines the outcomes of your life. Sleep takes its share, leaving you with maybe 16 chips to invest. Where do they go? Work, family, health, hobbies, mindless scrolling? The wheel spins, and your returns come in. Every day, the process repeats, but the number of chips you have left in your lifetime keeps shrinking.

Time is the currency we're playing with in every moment of our lives.

This is why urgency and discipline are so tightly linked. When you truly grasp that time is running out, discipline stops being a vague ideal and becomes a necessity. Research shows that a strong awareness of limited time intensifies your drive to stay disciplined. It’s not just about squeezing more out of your day—it’s about making sure you’re investing your chips where they matter most.

Here’s the catch: all the time management tricks in the world won’t help if you don’t have real discipline as your foundation. The time management industry is a bit like the fad diet industry—always churning out new solutions, but none of them stick unless you address the core issue. Without discipline, even the best system is just a mirage. You’ll keep searching for the next hack, but nothing will change until you confront the reality of your own motivation.

So, where does discipline actually come from? It’s not just about wanting something badly enough. It’s about your “why”—the deep, sometimes painful reason that keeps you moving forward when things get tough. Sometimes, that why is positive: love, support, a sense of purpose. Other times, it’s negative: pain, shame, a chip on your shoulder that you just can’t shake. Both can be powerful. Studies indicate that both negative (pain, shame) and positive (support, love) motivators shape long-term grit. Maybe you were told you’d never amount to anything, and that sting still fuels you. Or maybe you’re driven by the desire to prove someone right, to live up to the faith someone placed in you. Whether you’re being dragged by pain or driven by passion, it all comes back to your why.

There’s another layer to this: friction. The easier you make it to do the things that matter, the more likely you are to follow through. If your DJ equipment is buried in a closet, you won’t practice. Put it on the kitchen counter, and suddenly, it’s almost harder not to use it. The same goes for any habit or pursuit. Lower the barriers, and your discipline equation changes. But even then, if your why isn’t strong enough, friction will win out. You’ll skip the workout, put off the project, or avoid the hard conversation. That’s why understanding your motivation is just as important as managing your time.

In the end, time management discipline isn’t about squeezing every drop out of your day. It’s about recognizing that your days are numbered, and making every chip count. Whether your drive comes from pain as motivation or a deep mental health drive, the urgency of time and the reality of death can sharpen your focus like nothing else. You don’t have forever. But you do have today, and 24 chips to play. Where will you place them?

TL;DR: Pain isn’t a bug—it’s the feature. Get clear on your struggles, understand what makes discipline tick for you, and transform friction from a roadblock to a signpost on your journey to what matters most.